Ian Somerhalder just wants you to give to charity for his birthday
If it's true that celebrities have it all, Ian Somerhalder is certainly a living example. He has all he wants for his birthday, and wants you to donate to his charity, IS Foundation instead of sending him presents. Originally spurred on by the BP oil spill earlier this year, the foundation is currently working on environmental campaigns to protect natural habitats and animals and conserve energy around the world.
We sat down with the actor to talk about his birthday and plans for his foundation. And to get lost in his eyes.
We totally called it on Becky as Max and Sue as the Grinch on this Christmas episode of Glee -- and yes, that makes us happy. We're divided on The Carpenters, however, and Janine gives us a lecture on that. Once that's out of the way, we can soak up the Christmasy goodness, even admist some reservations. Who cares about occasional lapses of logic when you've got Brittany simultaneously believing in Santa Claus and advocating elf liberation?
Disaster strikes just about everyone on One Tree Hill, from the annoying (losing lug nuts) to the life-threatening (car wrecks, floods, and a certain killer psycho.) We were honestly worried about the potential fates of some of out favorite characters for a while, but fortunately, things worked out. Mostly. We do wonder whether Quinn will turn psycho, or whether she'll just heed our advice and move to a less-isolated house. And we hope that Brooke's near-death experience will be the worst thing that happens to her this season -- we can't take much more!
We finally find out the history of Serena and Ben on Gossip Girl, which gives us a little bit of insight into Juliet's brand of crazy. It's doesn't explain how Juliet is able to infiltrate a clinic that everyone else was locked out of, or why Ben would go from "destroy her!" to "Oh, hey, Serena," but whatever, we'll go with it. More important: The REAL Big Bad is Lily, who not only fraudulently sent Ben to jail, but is also in the process of stealing Chuck's company. The hell? And even worse, the writers seem to be hinting that sparks may fly between Dan and Blair. No. NO. That is NOT ACCEPTABLE, do you hear us, writers? NO!
Hey, Dean: Staring death in the face? It
just a metaphor
Dean makes a deal with Death this week on Supernatural, which strikes us as a dubious proposition. But Death must have a soft spot for Dean, because even though our boy totally doesn't meet Death's terms, the incarnation of our mortality does him a solid. Is that a good thing? Sam sure doesn't think so. We sympathize, Sam, but, as you decided to kill Bobby (who is made of awesome), you kind of made Dean's case for him, you know?
At Death's door
OK, so demons and angels can't help him, so it's time for Dean to think outside of the box: He calls on Death (by killing himself temporarily, natch) to rescue Sam's and Adam's souls from Lucifer's cage. Death is kind of impressed by Dean's chutzpah, but says he'll consider saving one. Dean picks Sam's soul, even though he's aware that it's probably in pretty bad shape. Sorry, Adam!
Death agrees, if Dean can serve as Death for a day. If he can wear Death's ring, and do his job without hesitation, for a full 24 hours, Sam gets his soul back, and Death will wall up the nasty memories to keep him more-or-less sane. If Dean takes off the ring before the time is up, he loses.
Dean agrees, and at first, everything goes well, despite Reaper Tessa's disgust with him. His first charge is an armed robber who threatened a man and his kid, so Dean is happy to collect him (after letting him suffer a bit.) The second is a heart attack waiting to happen, and he even gets a rec for a good pizza place. This job rocks!
Read on for Sam's plot, Death's new deal, and more!
Meanwhile….
Sam objects to this plan, of course -- after all, it's his head that will explode if the drywall fails. But Dean won't take no for an answer, so Sam acquiesces. Sort of. After Dean takes off, he summons Balthazar, the angel who had been trading in souls. Balthy tells Sam that if he does something suitably horrific, he can render his body uninhabitable. The prescription? Patricide.
Slight problem with that (besides the moral objections): Daddy Dearest has been dead for years. Fortunately, Balthazar has a nice fortune-cookie aphorism that can help: "You need the blood of your father, but your father needn't be blood."
Bobby? Be afraid.
Actually, Bobby is too smart to be afraid -- he knows something is up, and foils Sam's attempts to incapacitate him several times. We have to love a guy who has trap doors installed throughout his house just in case he needs to incapacitate a murderous sorta-son.
Death dealing
Dean hits a snag in his Death work experience when he's called on to collect a 12-year-old kid with a heart condition. Tessa is unsympathetic: "What you thought it was all going to be armed robbers and heart attacks waiting to happen? " But Dean will not be moved: "I'm death, she's 12, and she's not dying today." Enter the miraculous cure.
But that means Dean has messed with the natural order, and someone else has to die. First to go: the nurse who was going to operate on the 12-year-old. Dean starts to realize the consequences of his action, but before he can take the girl, he needs to deal with the nurse's husband, who is distraught and looking to kill himself. Dean tries to stop him, but while he wears the ring, he can't effect anything. So he takes the ring off and saves the guy -- but dooms Sam.
Dean knows the deal is now void, but he still realizes he's not done. He puts the ring on again, returns to the girl, and does his duty. Why? she asks. Dean: There's sort of a natural order of things. Girl: The natural order's stupid! Dean: I agree with you there.
Return service
After that last duty, Dean returns to Bobby's -- which is a good thing, because Sam finally has him tied up and is prepared to execute him. Sam! Dean cold-cocks him and they lock him up in the demon-proof panic room, which can now be renamed "Sam's bedroom."
But things aren't over yet: Death pays a visit to debrief Dean. Not so fun screwing without he natural order when you're the one who has to clean up, huh? Dean doesn't want to hear it -- this whole game was rigged! Death agrees (while telling Dean that he should really keep a civil tone when he's talking to Death, dude), but says that he thinks Dean learned something. And therefore, he'll go get Sam's soul for him. Dean is, to put it mildly, shocked. Why?
Death: You and your brother keep coming back. You're an affront to the balance of the universe and you cause disruption on a global scale. Dean: I apologize for that…. Death: But you have use. Right now you're digging at something, intrepid detective. I want you to keep digging, Dean.... It's about the souls. You'll understand when you need to.
While Dean contemplates those marching orders, Death returns with Sam's soul. Sam is terrified, but Death is undeterred: Death: Now Sam I'm going to put up a barrier inside your mind. It might feel a little itchy. Do me a favor -- don't scratch the wall. Because trust me, you're not going to like what happens.
Eep!
Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends
We loved seeing Reaper Tessa again. Too bad she was so pissed about being saddled with Dean: "Wow. They just let any slack-jawed haircut be death these days."
We were also quite happy about the return of Death -- although we were also happy to have him at a distance. Face it: Death is a scary dude.
Tessa warns Dean that the newly deceased might want answers from Death. "
"What, like how did Betty White outlast me?"
When Dean is confronted with his first what's-it-all-about question, he improvises: Dean: Everything is dust in the wind. Dead guy: That's it? A Kansas song?
Dean looks honestly disappointed that the dead guy didn't appreciate his insight. Hee!
Again, if it weren't for the whole killing-Bobby part, we'd be quite sympathetic to Sam: "Dean doesn't care about me, he just cares about his little brother, Sammy, burning in hell. He'll kill me to get that other guy back." But Bobby has a point: "Look, I know how scary that it. But you know what's scarier? You, right now. You're not in your right head, Sam. You're not giving us much choice here."
Now that Dean understands about the whole natural order thing, he's slightly abashed: Death: You and your brother keep coming back. You're an affront to the balance of the universe and you cause disruption on a global scale. Dean: I apologize for that….
So, will Sam survive his soul implant? What's this mysterious issue with souls that Death wants Dean to check out? Do you find yourself wanting to hire Bobby to redo your house so you can have trap doors for any occasion? And what the hell are you going to do until the end of January with no new episodes? Talk about it in the comments!
Eeeeeeeeeeeee! That high-pitch squeal was the result of my glee that Clark finally popped the question to Lois and she accepted. Yes, in a world where Metropolis is a police state (curfews that run from midnight to 7am, really? How can anyone have fun anymore?), Clark made the time to take a knee and shower our girl Friday with white rose petals in the phone booth that brought the Blur and her together. Could it get any more poetic? Not in this episode, especially with the surprise ending.
Unfortunately, after the whirlwind event, no one is taking notice of Lois' new rock--even newspaper security that rivals current TSA screening procedures. But, Chloe knew, and somehow managed to get a congrats card to her cousin, complete with a gift. See, this is just why I love Chloe. And this week we actually got a few minutes to see her shining face. Sigh…
Anywho, after all that we have to deal with annoying Cat who is so giddy with the new VRA rules, she baked snickerdoodles. Can Clark just let her die already? Luckily, we don't have to dwell on her too much, because the Watchtower team has thrown Lois and Clark a surprise engagement party. Clark asks Oliver to be his best man amid the reveling of Justice League members.
The merriment of the evening is tempered when Oliver comes to the aid of a woman being mugged. When the mugger runs, a mob of ordinary citizens jump on Oliver, who has to be saved by Clark and Star Girl. The VRA's tentacles have reached the public and now heroes can't even walk down the street. The VRA kicks it up a notch when they corral Tess, the doc, and Lois in hopes of finding the Blur and Ollie. The new poster boy for the cause is Gen. Slade Wilson, who is on television with his hate speech about superheroes. He's started Operation Icarus -- a blacklist of vigilantes and their supporters. By exposing them to the world, the VRA wins.
Slade's reappearance forces the team to go underground and Watchtower to be shut down until it's safe. And it happens at the right time…because the VRA commandeers the Daily Planet to question the Watchtower team. Lips are sealed, of course. But in the interim, we find out that the infamous "darkness" that has been spoken of has been here before. Carter Hall said he saw it in the Third Reich and the Spanish Inquisition. I guess it helps to have a team player who has been reincarnated countless times.
Best line of the night goes to Lois, again! "GI Joe, when are you going to realize you can't beat the real American heroes."
Slade threatens to shoot Lois when she won't reveal what she knows, but luckily Carter, aka Hawkman, comes to the rescue. A fight ensues and Hawkman is stabbed and demasked. An explosion in the office sends Lois toppling out of a window with a burning Hawkman on her tail. Carter saves her, but somehow Slade is beyond death's stroke. But Clark uses the family emblem to vanquish Slade to another realm or so I think. If Clark had that before, all this could have been easier.
Before Carter passes on to his next life, he tells Clark there has to be a balance. "We can't save the world with an emptiness in our heart." And that emptiness has been filled with Lois. Carter gets a send-off worthy of a hero, thanks to his League counterparts, but just when they bury him, a Washington monument-looking device comes out from below the sand and zaps them all into unconsciousness. And with that, we'll have to wait with baited breath, until it comes back January 28.
"I can't decide which to rip open: Your throat or your clothes."
This week's The Vampire Diaries was werewolf-centric, with some good witchiness and some Elijah thrown in.
Caroline and Tyler
The moment we've all been waiting for arrived. Tyler Lockwood's first full moon. He seemed pretty thorough in his research about what was going to happen to him, even going so far as to tell us that the chains were rated for 5,000 pounds. Too bad the hooks bolted to the ground weren't as sturdy. 'Twas very touching, watching Caroline try to take care of Tyler during his first transformation, which was actually pretty short relative to what Mason seemed to have gone through his first time.
Jules
Jules, a pretty new character, is another werewolf! If Katherine had only known about Jules, then maybe poor Tyler could have been left alone. Ah well. So Jules shows up looking for Mason, announcing that he never made it to Florida. Uh-oh. Then Alaric and Damon have to taunt her by dosing her drink with wolfsbane. We've observed that when it comes to werewolves, Damon doesn't have the best decision-making skills. It's inconvenient that Jules revealed Mason to be a missing person, but something tells us he'll just be another poster in Sheriff Forbes' police station. How interesting that Jules actually turns into a proper wolf and then has the wherewithal to track Damon back to his house and break in in an attempt to kill him. So sad that she actually attacked Rose with a nasty shoulder bite before Damon could stab our wolfette. Next week will tell us how fatal that was.
Follow us after the jump for Bonnie/Luka, Elena/Elijah, and Stefan's emancipation!
Bonnie and Luka
We're on the fence with Luka for these reasons:
1. We like Bonnie/Jeremy as a pairing and were thrilled when they almost kissed last week. Luka interferes with that.
2. Luka is clearly playing her.
3. He seems to feel badly about playing her.
4. We're not sure that we have reason to mistrust the warlock's motives since they're still ambiguous, and since they're working for Elijah who seems to desire Elena's safety. For now.
At any rate, we don't like that Luka tricked Bonnie and stole the moonstone with his enormous supply of tall white pillar candles that they hauled up to the rooftop and lit. Oh, and then there's the part where Luka and his Dad then lifted the tomb-sealing spell so Stefan could be released. That was in favor of the light side of the force, we suppose. So our jury is still out on these two.
Elijah and Elena
Elena's the only one who doesn't see how futile her suicide mission is. Sure is fun watching everyone make fun of her for it though. Love how Bonnie conjured a spell sealing Elena into her house, and how Bonnie and Jeremy were in on it together. Also loved how Elijah -- who is actually quite good-looking now that we've seen him interacting a bit more -- manipulated Mrs. Lockwood and Jenna into getting all of the historical records that were taking up space in the cupboard under the stairs...thus getting himself invited into the house.
The deal he struck up with Elena seems pretty advantageous to both parties, so we're with Elena on being suspicious. But at this point, what does she have to lose, right?
What episode do you most want to see next week? Tell us in the comments!
"Guys? You there? I have to pee! And I think my shoe is untied..."
It’s graduation time for Alex on Nikita. Hurrah! Let the champagne flow. Well, not quite. This promising young recruit won’t be commemorating the achievement at parties in a cap and gown. Instead, our future hopeful will mark her advancement by wearing an elegant, sapphire cocktail dress and sticking a potassium chloride syringe through the larynx of an Armenian crime boss. That’s the way Division initiates its newest agents, or, as Alex so gracefully puts it, “I have to waste someone or I get wasted myself.”
Ironically, this whole killing business makes Alex uncomfortable, and she’s not too jazzed when she gets the news about her impending promotion. (Neither is Nikita). Our girls, therefore, make a plan to pull it off without Alex having to pull the trigger. Unfortunately, things get misdirected and the girls nearly end up getting caught. Lucky for us, they always have a game plan and know how to keep Division guessing.
The Mission
Being a good mentor, Nikita decides that she will take out the target, make it look like Alex did the dirty work, and then everyone will go away happy. Unfortunately, Alex doesn’t agree with this idea. She feels it’s time that she takes on more responsibility. This means, she will have to complete the mission herself. Nikita, though, knows better and plans to hang close by. When Alex finally gets her target in a room, things quickly go wrong, and she ends up with a broken needle and holding the guy at gunpoint. To make things worse, Birkoff has discovered the two-way chat system that the girls have been using and Division has been monitoring Nikita’s whereabouts. Nikita realizes this only after they send a message which she knows didn’t come from Alex because she is watching her. Nikita then blasts into the house, gets Alex out of the jam, and all hell breaks loose when the Division henchman show up. Party guests scramble, guns shots spray the lawn, and poor Michael ends up taking one in the leg. Despite the chaos, the girls are able to escape to a garden shed and are now forced to come up with a new strategy. The new plan involves Alex giving Division a present -- and the present is Nikita.
The New Plan
While in the shed, Nikita reveals her idea to Alex, “They’ll take me in. You’ll get me out.” Because they have no other option, Alex agrees and Nikita is taken back to Division and put into a room with Amanda the “Inquisitor”. To keep up her end of the bargain, Alex quickly makes a plan for Nikita’s escape. She plants two bombs, one in the lunchroom and one above Nikita’s holding area. She also steals a guard’s key card and grabs a gun. Meanwhile, Nikita is put through some emotional torture by watching old videos of herself and her fiancé. Our girl hangs tough and doesn’t give away any secrets. After Alex gets everything into place, she runs into a little surprise. It’s Thom, and he tells her that he’s onto her. The two have a heated discussion until bang! The double-whammy explosion hits Division rocking its walls. Luckily for Nikita, it rocks so hard her chains come loose, and she is able to escape. Alex doesn’t get off that easy. She and Thom get into a major scuffle and she ends up accidentally shooting him in the gut. Riddled with guilt, she decides to stay with Thom and tells Nikita to hit the road. Then, to cover her tracks, she slips the stolen key card into a dying Thom’s pocket and frames him as the mole. Oh, what a clever girl! Even Percy falls for her ruse and rewards her by finally making her an agent. Congratulations Alex, you’ve graduated!
"Do you seriously expect me to work in these conditions?"
The folks on One Tree Hill are facing the storm of the century, and you can bet that things are going to go horribly wrong for our heroes. We're talking car crashes, busted levees, a stalking psycho, near drowning... if it can go wrong, it will, and some of our favorite characters are in serious danger.
Jamie, Nathan and Haley
Jamie's competing in his first spelling bee, and Haley is all aflutter. He blows the last word, "entrepreneur," which is suspicious because he helped his dad spell it in his last paper. Yes, he threw the competition so Madison could win. Our boy's in love!
That love makes Jamie abandon his parents to ride back into town with Miss Lauren, Chuck and Madison. On the upside, he doesn't have to sit through the tedium of waiting for Nathan to change a blown tire and Haley accidentally losing all the lug nuts. On the down side... well, we'll get to that after the jump.
Brooke, Julian, Jamie and friends
Brooke and Julian fight over the prospect of moving to LA, and Brooke goes overboard when she accuses Julian of encouraging her to give up her company so he can move them to California. Take a breath, Brooke.... She hears us, but decides to do her deep breathing in the car, durning the worst storm to hit Tree Hill in years. Doh!
It turns out to be a good thing that Brooke headed out into the storm, because she discovers Chuck wandering the road, dead and bleeding. Miss Lauren's car crashed on the bridge. She's unconscious, Chuck is in bad shape, Madison seems ok, and Jamie... Jamie is trapped by his seat belt and there's a live electrical wire snaking right near him.
Lucky for him (and us), Aunt Brooke keeps a cool head in a crisis. She installs Chuck and Madison in her car, frees Miss Lauren, and starts hacking away at Jamie's seat belt with nail scissors. Chuck is looking bad, so Lauren takes him to the hospital while Brooke stays with Jamie. Julian finds them, and all seems well.... until a car comes out of nowhere, bashes into the stricken car, and sends Brooke and Jamie into the river.
Fortunately, the river isn't that high... well, it isn't until the levee breaks. Seriously, what else can go wrong? How about Brooke getting pinned by the steering column, Julian dropping the crow bar, the river rising dramatically, and the persistent threat of dooooooooom? Brooke convinces Julian to save Jamie first (we admit it, we cried a bit), then Julian comes back for her. By this time, the water is over her head. Julian breaths for her a bit, but by the time he's gotten her out, she's not breathing. Holy crap, is Brooke really dead?
No, she's not... but they make us worry for a while. Julian does quite a bit of CPR before Brooke starts breathing on her own again. Nothing like a near-death experience to remind people of why they want to be alive, and in love.
Quinn and Katie
Speaking of alive.... Katie knows Quinn is alive, and she wants to put an end to that. So the psycho infiltrates the house during the storm, and a completely isolated Quinn has to fight for survival. Quinn actually does a decent job with the cat-and-mouse game -- she sets up a decoy for Katie to attack, she manages to stab Katie in the leg -- but things aren't going well for her. This is what happens when you go up against a psycho.
Unfortunately, Katie continues to get the drop on Quinn, and she's got some overblown rhetoric to compound the trauma: "I'm your storm. And I'll find you. Lie awake at night. Be afraid of the shadows. Be afraid to close your eyes because when you do, I'll be there." Oh, Katie, You were scarier when you weren't going for the poetic metaphors.
Quinn gets just as fed up as we do and makes a flying tackle that sends both Katie and Quinn over the balcony and into the pool. It looks like Katie is the only one to survive, but Quinn is just playing possum. She finds the gun Katie discarded, grabs a single bullet, and manages to shoot Katie. But she won't leave her to bleed out for 12 hours. No, only a total psycho would do that. (Quinn does take some time to break into hysterics before calling the police. We can't blame her.)
When the cops and ambulance come to take Katie away, Quinn has a message for her -- "I'm your storm." Oh, Quinn. Don't make us tackle you off a balcony. And seriously, you and Clay should find another house. One with close neighbors, ok?
Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends
This episode was all about the mounting drama, and it did seem a little much at times. Tree Hill has a levee? And it's suddenly breeched? Impressive timing!
We totally called it that Jamie would be Julian's best man.
Did anyone else watch the episode and immediately place an order for a life hammer?
So what did you think of the episode? Were you expecting Brooke to die? Did you worry that Jamie was done for? What will you do until January 25? Tell us in the comments!
Following hard on the heels of last week's arrested developments, this week's lighter moments were naturally few and far between on Life Unexpected. One would expect a certain amount of levity when a teenager is being charged with assault and another's dark secrets finally come to light.
The heat is on
Lux and family are hauled in for questioning regarding Tasha's misdeeds and Lux admits to stealing the car and confronting Valerie. When Trey decides to press charges, Tasha faces the possibility of getting tried as an adult, so Lux finally comes forward. She tells her family that she was beaten while living at Gilberts, giving Tasha a much better motive for attacking the man.
With a real case on their hands, the family gets a lawyer to represent Tasha, but suddenly Lux isn't interested in telling the truth anymore. She secretly visits Trey, threatening him with the real story if he chooses to take the stand. Trey agrees and Lux tells a very confused and concerned Cate that she made up the whole story and she really was the abusive one. Don't wander too far down that liar's road Lux, soon enough no one will believe you.
Read on for the full courtroom drama.
We're having a baby, my insecure baby and me
During all this tumult, Cate is having serious doubts about Ryan's motives for hanging around, and her abilities as a mother. When she finally starts to accept Ryan's comforting efforts as more than just a baby-daddy obligation, Lux drops the "I was lying about being abused" bomb. Luckily for Cate and Ryan, they're capable of piecing clues together and adult reasoning, and see that Trey abandoning the witness stand aligns with Lux's testimony 180. With Lux not fessing up, Cate goes to Tasha and asks her if she knows anything -- if Lux is lying to protect someone, it would be her.
A friend in need is a friend who might be totally screwed
Meanwhile, Lux is finally spending some quality time with Daniels after avoiding his calls throughout the legal complications, though she's still vague/straight-up dishonest about what's going on. Cue Tash on a mad rampage, demanding to know why Lux is suddenly reversing her story. When she sees that Lux is reticent to discuss the case in front of Daniels, Tash assumes Lux is lying to protect her relationship -- which makes no sense. However, Lux is still mum on the details and a betrayed Tasha storms back out.
Sometimes, fists say what words cannot
Throughout all of this mess, Baze is struggling like never before. He wants nothing more than to personally stick Trey's head on pike and Mr. Bazile is trying to butt in to the proceedings. Bazile Sr. does manage to get in some very wise gems about violence solving nothing before Baze is about to take off to put a fist-shaped dent into Trey's skull, thus avoiding what would have undoubtedly been a deepening of the family's predicament.
The trial date arrives, and Lux is on the stand when a concerned Daniels comes in. Lux falters and is made to look like a liar, and court takes a recess. Outside, Daniels surprises her with those three little words and Lux finally gets her confidence. Back in the courtroom, the full story comes out: Trey was more than a physical abuser. He was a sexual abuser. Month after month, Lux had been used while foster mom Valerie looked the other way. This time it's Mr. Bazile Sr. who loses his composure and digs into Trey, with Baze -- and a father-son reunion -- not far behind. Seems all it takes is a tag-team ass-kicking to bring men together.
It's never to late to cross your dead-beat husband
In the courthouse hallway, Cate confronts Valerie about her previous failure to help Lux and begs her to do the right thing this time around. Valerie talks to the judge and testifies privately about what really happened (BTW, if it's private, why would the judge name her to the court and explain exactly what she said?), and Tasha gets a minimal sentence for breaking curfew and trespassing. Outside Lux thanks Valerie for coming forward now and not coming forward before -- if she had, she would have never met her real mother.
All good things come to an end
The family is back home celebrating both Tasha's release and the happy news of a tiny, tiny fetus Cate is carrying. All seems well, until Lux overhears a conversation between employer and employee Bazile Sr. and Emma, or rather, former lover and former lovee. Looks like that father-son reunion isn't long for this world.
What did you guys think? Are you glad Lux's secret is finally out? Think Cate and Ryan are heading for a full reconciliation? Comment away!
Notes n' Quotes
Tasha: Which one makes me look less like a violent felon?
Baze: So, what did the doctor say?
Ryan: We are having a blueberry!
Is it a sign that we're dealing with some seriously screwed up personalities on Glee when Brittany seems to be the only person that knows what she wants for Christmas? Emma is already waffling a few days (weeks?) into her marriage, Finn is confused about his feelings toward Rachel, even Sue is struggling with the spirit of the season (instead of just squashing it like a cockroach. Though god knows, she tried).
You don't mess with the sanctity of Secret Santa
The staff at McKinley High are participating in a Secret Santa gift scheme, and poor Schue is stuck with Sue. After signing Kurt on to help him find an appropriate gift (who performed an ADORABLE rendition of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" with Blaine), the teachers discover that Sue had tampered with the jug o' name slips, and everyone bought a gift for her. Why? Because she likes getting stuff and she hates Christmas, of course.
Despite Sue's extremely convincing completely made-up legal jargon about how she's entitled to all those gifts, the teachers decide to take them back and donate them to charity. That's when Sue hatches her evil plan.
Read on for more Glee-tastic Christmas magic!
Making the best of a Christmas hoarder
Meanwhile, the gleeks are merry-making in the practice room while singing "The Island of Misfit Toys," which just makes us think of those Sprint commercials from last year. Pretty much all of their decor was procured by five-finger discount, and Schue has tell them that Christmas isn't about nicking stuff, you little J.D.'s. Instead, they're going to go classroom to classroom caroling to raise money for charity. We don't need the doubtful glee kids to tell us this is a terrible idea. A bunch of high school kids aren't going to give up their lunch money for your hokey singing -- that's what malls and your parents' Tupperware parties are for.
Cindy Lou What?
We love it when we learn something new about Brittany. The details of her life manage to be both delightfully surprising and absolutely predictable at the same time, i.e. believing in Santa Claus. Loving to see that unquestioning faith in his simple girlfriend, Artie convinces the glee club to keep Brittany in the dark. This involves everyone going to see Santa at the mall, resulting in some of the best lines in the episode. But Artie gets thrown a curveball when Brittany asks the Big Man for something no one can give: Brittany wants Artie to walk.
This requires even more scheming and the recruitment of Coach Beiste. Artie and the boys convince the coach to dress up as Santa and go visit Brittany on an alleged "dry run," and explain that there are some kinds of magic even Santa can't do. Instead, Beiste speaks from the heart and says Santa will give Brittany the greatest gift of all: Patience. With a little patience, Santa says, you can get through anything.
Never thought of a Christmas carol as an apology
Rachel is unwilling to believe that Finn has given up on her and keeps hounding him like a photo-hungry paparazzo. She makes an attempt to woo him with "Merry Christmas, Darling," (which was pretty, but we hate that song, so -- wash), but fails miserably when Finn won't even listen to it.
Elsewhere, Sue's evil plan is coming to fruition as are our powers of ESP. Sue Grinches it up with Becky as her faithful rein-dog (we totally called that in the podcast, dudes), destroys the glee club's winter wonderland, and steals back all the gifts. This is probably our favorite number of the episode, because a.) that song is golden, b.) superior casting always ups a song's ante, and c.) the imagery was perfectly done and hilarious.
Upon finding their merry classroom in shambles, the glee club begins to despair. Rachel corners Finn and says it's up to them to lift everyone's spirits, which they do in the form of Christmas tree shopping. Unfortunately, this is another ploy to be forgiven for her transgressions, and a very confused Finn and very persistent Rachel sing "Last Christmas," which can't take first place this episode simply because nothing comes close to matching the original Wham! music video. We definitely enjoyed it, but it seems Finn did not, who "officially" breaks up with Rachel in the tree lot.
The gift of the Gleegi
The glee kids are about to "go Gift of the Magi" and donate their hair and watches for charity money when Schue comes in with a better idea. The kids fish for donations from the staff (You know, people with salaries? Not school children?) while singing "Welcome Christmas" in a chorus fit for the merriest Who. In true Grinch style, Sue's heart grows three sizes (Okay, maybe 2 1/2. Even the Grinch isn't as hard as Sue) and she surprises a lonely Will on Christmas eve with a fully decorated tree, all of her Secret Santa gifts and some "Christmas elves." Artie and Brittany have a surprise too: a ReWalk, which yes, actually exists, and was left under Brittany's tree by a Beistey Santa. Not everyone got their Christmas wish, but we did end with plenty of good cheer.
What did you think, dear readers? Was Sue as the Grinch too on-the-nose, or pitch perfect? Any Christmas tunes you would have added or left out? Think Kurt is giving Dinah Shore a run for her money? To the comments!
Notes n' Quotes
Brittany: Last year I left my stocking up over Christmas vacation, and an entire family of mice started living in it. Their Christmas gift to each other was rabies.
Artie: I told my parents I only want one thing for Christmas: Stop friend requesting me on Facebook.
Santana: The guy who lives next door finally killed off his elderly mother. When they carted him off they left the house wide open. I think she was a holiday hoarder.
Student: I'd seriously rather be learning.
Brittany: Can I be honest? I don't understand the difference between an elf and a slave.
Zises: I would like Puckerman to love me. He's a fox. I would also like sweet potato fries.
Santana: I want bling. I can't be any more specific than that. Okay wait, hold up, please tell me that is a roll of Certs in your pocket!
Mike: I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.
Rachel: You don't know how many kittens I've given away because none of them were just right.
Kurt: He's just a friend. But I am in love with him and he's actually gay. I call that progress.
Santana: I know what it's about. Life friggin' sucks.
Brittany: Get a good night's rest Ken, you're going to need it. Barbie took the early flight from Tampa.
Beiste: She put being husky to good use.
Brittany: Was her name Ricky Lake?
Becky: Christmas came anyway, coach. It's beautiful.
Brittany: I thought it was a Transformer.
Schue: How did you get in here?
Sue: I had a key made ages ago.
Sue: I thought you might want to put all of us out of our misery and shave off that Chia Pet.
Schue: I thought you hated the holidays.
Sue: Nah, I just hate you.
The world's gone topsy-turvy in this double-episode Glee podcast: I get sick of Kurt, Janine hates Rachel, and Lindsey ... well, she mostly just laughs at us. We can't really blame her.
Find out what got our ire up, then listen in on Janine's really inept euphamism for s-e-x. All that and why Bruno Mars is NOT a good substitute for The Wedding March. Whoo-hoo!
Clark is UltraMan in a Bizarro World on 'Smallville'
Father-son bonding, Luthor style
Just when you thought "Smallville" couldn't get anymore interesting...we're swept away into a darker reality along with Clark -- a world where Oliver Queen is an evil land-grabber, Lois sports a really bad hairdo, and Lionel is not only alive, but is Clark's daddy and ruler of the Fortress of Solitude! And if that wasn't bad enough..Clark and Tess are sleeping together. Oh, the humanity!!!!
I don't think I've been as disgusted with an episode of the CW show like I have with this one, in quite some time.(Maybe that's why a power outage ruining my chances of seeing 'Smallville' on schedule occurred. The universe was trying to prevent my blood pressure going up. But I went to the Web for you fans to write this post. Just letting you know...) So why did I hate this episode? The writers brought Lionel Luthor back from the dead AND all along everyone has been talking about a "darkness" coming to the world, but everyone thinks it's an unidentified darkness. Wake up world!!! It doesn't get much darker than Lionel, and now that little Alexander has escaped from Tess's motherly reach, there's no telling when the apocalypse will begin.
But I'm getting ahead of myself here... Tess is bequeathed a glass mirror box (a Kryptonian artifact that looks like a perfume bottle for men) that sends people to alternate worlds (thanks to Lionel Luthor). She keeps the box on the down-low, since she doesn't know how everyone else will react to her having it. Of course, Clark puts his foot in his mouth before the reveal stating: Luthor blood is poison and all of them are born dangerous. A fight ensues when Clark finds out about Tess and little Alexander and he goes all Rubik's cube on the artifact, just to be swept away into a world where he's Clark Luthor, son of Lionel (and just so you don't forget, Bizarro Clark is branded with the L initial).
In this new realm, Clark is a player in paisley and ultimately Ultraman (a murdering power-hungry alien who kills anyone who sees his real identity). It's all in the name of the Luthor fortune, after all. This darker Clark has killed Lex and is hooking up with adopted sister, Tess, unbeknownst to Daddy Dearest. He's also boss at the Daily Planet. This Clark wants to destroy the glass box so he doesn't have to share space with Lionel, because after all it's Lionel's world and WE just live in it (even Clark). It just so happens Lionel found Clark in the field when he landed, not the Kents. In the Bizarro Metropolis, Tess has turned away from the family fortune and the name of Luthor because Lionel STILL doesn't love her as much as he loves his boys. No seriously. He actually tells her she's a half-bred tramp who ruins things and is not special enough to love. Who says that? Who is that malicious? Oh, right Lionel Luthor.
In any case the evil Clark is here in our world taking in all the possibilities minus the shadow of Lionel, and he so likes the idea he's willing to take down Watchtower and everyone in it to get the glass box to destroy it, so he can stay forever. Luckily, Oliver comes to the aid of the true Clark in the Bizarro world, who sets everything straight again. But not before we see how much Lionel hates Clark (even as his son), and that Ollie and Lois were engaged to be married. (A little awkward, I gotta say...just bring back Chloe!!!)
In the end, each Clark is where they should be and Clark apologizes to Tess for jumping to conclusions about her lineage. Tess confesses she's upset Lionel just thew her away, adding to her self-esteem issues of not being good enough. But Clark says she has it wrong. Tess is actually lucky she wasn't raised by the Luthors--so she is still redeemable. Tess is not alone in this world. All together now...awwww! But before we let all the warm feelings lull us off to slumber, we're reminded that little Lex is still out there and this one is smarter than the original one. And add to that Lionel from Bizarro world slipped back through the portal with our Clark, promising to wreak havoc. So now we gotta deal with this...AGAIN!!! Really CW? Really? Sigh...until next week Smallville denizens.
"Listen, sister, if anyone is going to plan falsely-induced, drug-addled character assassinations in this town, it's ME."
As Juliet leaves the stage this week on Gossip Girl as the insufferable villain, Lily stands up to take her place. It seems Lily is the culprit behind both Ben’s imprisonment and the impending sale of Bass Industries. She explains away the former by convincing herself that she only accused the boarding school teacher of having an inappropriate relationship with her daughter to protect Serena and ensure her future. But, the motivation behind selling Chuck’s empire out from underneath his feet remains murky. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and Lily’s got a million of them. Even Rufus questions Lily’s actions. With Juliet no longer on a revenge rampage and Serena trying to exonerate Ben for an affair that never took place, Chuck heads Down Under to enlist Jack’s help and Blair and Dan face a Christmas vacation in New York with only each other for company. Here’s some other thoughts:
Two for the road: Dan and Blair taking a road trip in a beat-up clunker sounds like a perfect buddy comedy. We’d pay admission to see a feature length showing.
Other examples of Lily’s quest for social domination: Refusing to invite Nate’s mother to a Christmas party because she’s married to a convicted felon. We expect this kind of behavior from Nate’s mother, not Lily.
Best plan: Dan only knows two ways of getting things done – calling the police or calling the parents.
Best flashback: Forget Serena and her absinthe tutorial, the real gem of these flashback scenes lies in Damien’s hair and goody-goody personality. Where did it all go wrong for him?
Continue reading for more on the Blair and Dan holiday vacation.
Weirdest drug: Ether. It’s like a turn of the century roofie.
Best guy: Ben. He’s the only person in the history of the show to deny Serena’s advances and yet he still goes to prison. Sometimes there is just no justice.
Worst security: Blair and Dan can’t get past the reception desk at the Ostroff center, but Juliet can sneak her way into Serena’s room.
Most vain: Lily has shown herself to be quite consumed with appearances, but Nate’s mom flat out admits she needs her social standing more than she needs her husband.
Party crasher: Serena knows how to make an entrance. Never one willing to speak in private, Serena crashes the Bass holiday shindig to confront Lily about her nefarious behavior.
Worst foreshadowing: Dan and Blair are staying home for the holidays. They’re both interested in the same French event. Will they go together? Will they hang out? Will they get drunk and make out? The possibilities are endless on this show.
What did you think? Should Serena have forgiven Juliet for almost killing her so easily? We know the culprit is Lily, but that doesn’t erase the fact that Juliet destroyed Serena’s already fragile reputation and health. We always loved the relationship between Chuck and Lily. The man needs a stable parental figure in his life. We’re sad to see this go.
Dan's back! Dan's back@ Dan's back! Dan's back! OK, fine, other things happen on One Tree Hill, but you have to know that we'd spend most of our time talking about Dan. I mean, duh.
"I can't believe I'm on this show sucking up to that little after-school-special diva. I'M MEREDITH EFFING BLAKE."
This week on 90210 we got plenty of West Bev kids behaving badly and operating in sticky situations way beyond their youthful capacity. Particularly Adrianna, whom we'd like to take firmly by her skinny shoulders and shake really hard, because sweetheart, you are being a bitch.
Annie, Charlie and Liam
Annie and Charlie are being their typical disgustingly cute selves when Dixon comes racing home with some news: Liam is laid up in the hospital from his beat-down last week. Why the hospital released one severely battered teenager to two other teenagers is beyond us, but Liam once again takes up residence at Chez Wilson.
Charlie comes over to check in on his half-brother after hearing the news, but gets promptly chased out after Liam explodes like one of Gallagher's watermelons. Liam later tells Annie that his behavior is owed partly to his dislike of seeing them together...since he's still in love with her. To which they make out and presumably do other under-the-sheets activities.
Well now, WELL PLAYED, CW. Finally get us to like Charlie despite early-onset creepiness and then pull this malarkey, which by the way, is completely unbelievable. Annie is totally invested in Charlie, lights up when he's around, and then hooks up with Liam? We get it, he's got abs, which are conveniently flashed at this particular moment, but this is still unacceptable. The only excuse we can think of is she pulled a Lorraine McFly and developed Florence Nightingale syndrome while taping up his bleeding deltoid.
Read on for more hairy situations and the blueberry margaritas Naomi imbibes whilst battling them.
Adrianna, Navid and Silver
There isn't much that needs to be said about Adrianna, other than that she almost completely sucks now. Her fame monster has reared its ugly head and it's the most stereotypical beast we've seen on this show in a while (and that's saying a lot).
She's ignoring Vic's actually well-intentioned advice and cutting his pay, treating everyone like dirt, and buying obscenely big, tacky mansions in the hills. Oh, and did we mention she rented "elves" and hunky "reindeer" to pull her around an outdoor ice rink built just for her Christmas party? Because she did. There were harnesses involved.
She eventually gets her comeuppance when she's opening her oodles and oodles of presents (Do people actually have parties like this in Beverly Hills? Who goes to parties to watch someone more wealthy than you that you barely know get even more useless stuff?), when she gets a photo from Vic holding Javier's notebook. Her duplicitous agent stole the tome and sold the story to every entertainment journalist in Los Angeles County. Good luck selling the mansion back in this housing market.
Meanwhile, Navid is trying to convince himself and Silver that maybe he shouldn't be with Adrianna. After some resistance and a very awkward sleepover at Ade's new digs, Silver finally admits that she feels something for Navid, too. And then they make out. At Ade's Christmas party. In front of people. After their covert investigation into Shirazi Productions, one would think these two had a bit more tact.
Teddy and Ian
Teddy and Ian have become fast friends after the good times had by all at the luau last week. Teddy wants to keep driving down that road with Ian, but he's not ready to come out just yet. Ian says he really likes Teddy, but there's no way he's going back in the closet. And thank god for that. Can we take a minute to talk about how awesome Ian is? His little musical number at Ade's party is adorable -- of course there's a shot of Teddy falling in love with him from across the room. We can see a future where this kid gets rented out for more awards ceremonies than Neil Patrick Harris.
Later, Teddy and Ian find a quiet spot, where he tells Ian he's still coming to grips with his sexuality and just needs some time. Ian finally acquiesces to this not-unreasonable request and the two take up their secret relationship again. Only now it's not so secret, since Dix spots them kissing in the stairwell. Oops.
Ivy and Naomi
Here's another odd couple that has gotten really close, walking the halls and talking about bikini waxes -- or rather, Naomi talks about bikini waxes and Ivy just mocks her. In any case, they are pretty cute together. However, things turn a little sour when Ivy sees that Naomi is still interested in Oscar, who Ivy believes is still a slimy cad.
On the domestic front, Ivy sets up a dinner date with her dad since she's had it with Laurel. Things seem to go well and Ivy gets invited over for Christmas, though to the unaffected observer it's obvious that Daddy is planting more seeds of discontent between his daughter and ex-wife. Ivy learns that Laurel told him to stay away from their daughter, which Ivy takes as an attempt to control her life. However, on date number two Dead-beat Dad tells Ivy that while he's legally required to pay for her college education, he'd much prefer not to. The veil of concerned, invested father falls away and Ivy sees him for who he really is. She confesses to Naomi what happened, who is clearly out of her depth and calls Laurel. This leads finally to some mother-daughter re-bonding and the most convincing crying we've ever seen on The CW. Seriously, you two, A-plus.
After seeing what a good friend Naomi has been, Ivy finally gives her her blessing to date whoever she wants, including Oscar. Instead, Naomi tells Oscar thanks, but no thanks -- she's happy being single. Being alone, however, is a lot more dangerous, since someone unsavory is lurking in the shadows when Naomi comes back to her single-occupancy home. Unfortunately, we'll have to wait seven weeks to find out what her old teacher has in store.
What did you guys think? Did Ade get what she deserved? Will Teddy ever find the confidence to come out? Would you be so easily wooed by Matt Lanter's abs? Tell us in comment form!
Notes n' Quotes
Random cafeteria girl: Who doesn't get yeast infections these days? In the gas station, in the grocery store...
Oscar: I enjoyed eating guacamole with you the other night.
Naomi: That sounds dirty.
Silver: Oh Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your gorgeous hair extensions!
Ade: Apparently Naomi is drunk after some kind of waxing session. God knows what that means...
Ade: I just had the most horrible nightmare ever. I was at the Grammys and I was wearing the same dress as Miley Cyrus. I'm literally shaking.
Silver: She does have Justin Bieber. I saw him double-dipping in the applesauce.
Ivy: I hate turkey dinners, I hate meat in general!!
Final Thoughts
Oscar's accent is charming, but we hate the way he says "guacamole." Anyone else?
Love Silver's new do, it's so much more kicky and age-appropriate.
Where is Debbie? Why is she not home when Annie is caring for Liam/sneaking into his room? Do his employers know what happened to him? Because we fully believe Lauren would have come hustling over and burst into the sick room a la Lavender Brown after Ron Weasley gets poisoned.
We are definitely buying a piñata for Christmas/winter solstice/yule/whatever. That looks like a blast.
It's appalling to me how few people knew where Gossip Girl got the title of this episode. It's from Gaslight, people, and it's a great movie. Put it on your netflix queue, or whatever it is the kids are doing these days. Now get off my lawn!
ANYway. Serena wakes up in a compromising position and is appalled that everyone assumes she's gone back to her bad old ways. Then she sees a picture and she assumes she's gone back to her bad old ways, so score one for Juliet, I guess. Also, Jenny is vilified, Vanessa is an idiot, Chuck and Blair break our hearts (again!), Dan dispenses parenting advice, and Nate is once again hoodwinked by his awful, awful dad. Sigh.
SoulQuest: 2010 hits a snag on Supernatural when the boys learn that a soul that has been Lucifer's only plaything may not be something worth saving. Plus, our heroes are betrayed by old adversaries and reputed friends, and are helped by allies and enemies alike. All this and some advice on the proper way to consume pornography. Thanks, show!
The alliance
Crowley is an absentee boss, so involved in torturing monsters for a map to purgatory that he can't be bothered to meet with his Winchesterian employees. Dean is ready to walk, but Sam reminds him that there's no other way to get his soul back. Blah blah working for demons, blah blah do you even want it, blah bah angstcakes. It's the same basic conversation the boys have been having for the last few episodes. This time, however, it's interrupted by the timely arrival of ... more demons! Yay!
The demons in question are led by Meg, and she postures and threatens and tries to wrest Crowley's location from the boys until Sam twigs that she's desperate -- so desperate that she can't hurt them. Meg and all the other Lucifer loyalists are hiding from Crowley, who's bent on taking out his competition. She needs them.
Read on for more Meg, Cas, Crowley and the boys after the jump!
So Sam proposes a deal: We'll help you find Crowley if you use your torture skills to force him to hand over something he owes us. Don't you worry your pretty little head about what it is, just promise us you can get it. Meg agrees.
Dean is appalled that they're dealing with still more demons, and promises Sam that she'll double-cross them. Of course, Sam says. That's why we'll double-cross her first.
The cavalry
Sam suckers Cas into coming down by dredging up the plot form Raiders of the Lost Ark (hee!), and then threatening Cas (!!!) to get him to help. Sam, sweetie, beware: You might get smote.
Unfortunately, Cas can't locate Crowley, so they turn to plan B: Raiding Grampa Campbell's office for clues. Gramps catches them, and refuses to help. He finally spills that he won't go against Crowley because Mr. King of Hell has promised to bring Mary back format he dead. Oh fer… Do these Hunters never learn? Dean tries to tell Gramps that, but Gramps isn't listening. Sigh.
But something Dean said apparently got through to Gramps, because he later tells the boys how to find Monster Gitmo. He won't help storm the castle, but at least that's something, right?
Breaking in
The boys, Cas, Meg and her minions break into the prison easily -- too easily. To quote our favorite cephalopod military man, it's a trap! Hellhounds are guarding the corridors. Meg decides to bugger off, but oops, Crowley's got spells that prevent that. No ditching the meat suit while he's in charge. So Meg agrees to try to hold off the Hellhounds while the boys and Cas hunt Crowley.
Small problem: Someone knows an angel is coming, and he uses the human-blood banishing sigil to kick Cas out. That person? Grampa Campbell. Doh! He watches as the boys get carted off by demons, and tells Dean that he has no compunction to help his grand-kids. Mary is his blood, and that's who he's going to help.
Meg fends off the Hellhounds, but a demon Christian Campbell is waiting for her. Time for torture! Meanwhile, Dean is being offered up to ghouls as breakfast, and Sam is… gnawing on his wrist? What the hell? Turns out he's using his own blood to make a devil's trap on the ceiling (good thing he's so freaking tall.) He escapes and rescues
Dean, who rescues Meg. Time to torture Crowley!
Bad news
Unfortunately, no amount of torture can force Crowley to release Sam's soul. He can't do it. He barely got Sam's body out of the cage, and there' no way he'll be able to get Sam's soul from a vengeful Lucifer. (We knew it!)
Besides, Crowley says, why would you want it? Lucifer has been using it as a chew toy for a year. You get it back, you'll be a drool-y mess. As Sam overheard Cas say something similar to Dean early, he's inclined to believe it. Crowley's useless, so Sam tells Meg to have fun.
Here's the thing: Meg plays a good game, but she sucks about people getting the drop on her. Crowley does just that, and he's ready to beat up the boys when Cas appears with Crowley's bones. You'd have thought Crowley would have made them impossible to find, but he's as bad at hiding things as Meg is at getting jumped. When Cas forces Crowley to admit that he can't do anything to rescue Sam's soul, the angel goes to work on Crowley's bones. He's gone for good. Sob!
Dean tells Sam they'll find another way to get his soul back, but Sam is through trying. Angels and demons agree that the soul is shredded, and getting it back would destroy him instead of restoring him to his old self. He's better off without it. Dean begs Sam to reconsider, but Sam walks. The boys have broken up again.
Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends
We know Crowley is a bad, bad man, but we're going to miss him. What can we say? We have a weakness for snarky bad guys. Fortunately, Meg made it out alive, so we're hopeful we'll see her again.
We got some quality Cas time this week as well. He did bad-ass well when he torched Crowley's bones!
Poor Cas: You need to learn your classic adventure movies. Then you'll know when you can ignore Sam.
Ok, we admit it, we're 12. We were giggling like crazy as Cas dissected the plot of a porn flick "It's very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she's done something wrong."
Fortunately, Cas is always wiling to learn. When Meg kisses him so she can steal his angel-killing sword, he kisses her back. "What was that?" Meg asks. "I learned that from the pizza man," Cas replies. "Well A-plus for you! I feel so...clean!" Meg says. Hee!
Ah, Meg. We can always rely on her for some good quotes. Among our favorites:
It's a deal, then. Hugs and puppies all around!
Castiel: Why are we working with these… abominations
Meg: Keep talking dirty, makes my meat suit all dewy.
When Christian was torturing her: "It's a host body. Some girl from Sheboygan. Moved to LA to be an actress. Probably not even the worst thing that ever happened to her."
Did Grampa Campbell's betrayal shock you? Do you think Dean really will kill him the next time he sees him? Were you surprised that Crowley lied about the soul retrieval? Is Sam better off without his soul? Talk about it in the comments!
"You know, if we brought out a few chew toys, some Snausages and one of those pillow-beds, this might not be that bad."
At the start of the episode this week on The Vampire Diaries, we found out how easy it is to sneak into the Gilbert house and steal Elena's stuff. Luka's dad is pretty shady, yet we want to like him. He seems really tuned in to Luka, but he's so totally willing to exploit Bonnie and make it easy for Elijah to find Elena.
Which, why is that, by the way? Elijah surely knows that Elena's in Mystic Falls and that it's totally easy to track her down. More speculation on Elijah's motives later.
We love it when Bonnie's being a team player and she gets good screen time. This week, she was an important part of the story. First we see her and Luka chit-chatting on the school grounds where Luka tells her that she should be calling on nature and working other magic folk (namely himself) to channel her energy so she doesn't get nosebleeds and pass out. We loved it when he showed her what he meant by trading talismans with her and she began to feel the power/energy. We were yelling at the screen "It's wind!" when she exclaimed "what is that!?". It's amazing how poorly the students at Mystic Falls High keep track of their looseleaf papers when a breeze strikes up - we suggest Trapper Keepers.
The boys hatch a plan to retrieve the moonstone from Katherine, requiring Bonnie's help. You see, she's the one who can help incapacitate Katherine and temporarily relax the spell sealing the tomb. Elena doesn't think much of this plan, and in standard martyr-style decides to reveal herself to Klaus so that all her loved ones will be safe. She shares this with Damon when he shows up to retrieve her from the poor, departed Slater's sweet loft. We're pretty sure we didn't imagine the smoldering look on their faces when she declares that Damon is one of the people she's trying to protect...and when he threatened her with throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her out, we thought we were going to melt away.
More Mystic Falls shenanigans after the jump!
Meanwhile back in Mystic Falls, Bonnie has made Ashes of Incapacitation to be used to render Katherine immobile. Jeremy begs her not to go, not to use it because she's not strong enough. She begs to differ. So Jeremy steals some of the ash and heads to the tomb on his own.
Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy. Did you really think this would work? Such an entry-level mistake. Of course she's not going to have the moonstone on her when you throw the ashes at her! Of course you're going to run in to grab it! Of course the ash only lasts a few seconds and by the time you throw out the stone she's feasting on that delicious Gilbert blood! Dude, as much as we appreciate your emancipating the moonstone, that was an unwise move. Granted, the ring protects you from death, but really? Really?
And OF COURSE since you're Elena's brother, Stefan will feel obligated to protect you and will sacrifice himself to be sealed into the tomb with Katherine! Sigh.
Nice move.
Parallel to all of this drama is Caroline and Tyler figuring out how to handle Tyler's first turning. How conveeenient that Mason left a journal PLUS an SD card capturing footage of his own first turning in the old cellar.
So back to Elena. Just as Damon is about to drag her out, who should arrive but nameless henchmen who plan to take her to Klaus. And who should arrive after them, but Elijah! Who inexplicably, after verifying that they were the only ones who knew about Elena, removed their hearts from them.
Damon returns to the tomb to discover Stefan's predicament. Apparently Elijah let both Damon and Elena go...? For some reason, his priority is that Elena is safe, since the reason he let Damon go was to protect Elena. It seems as though he doesn't want Klaus to know that Elena's around...yet? We don't know! We love a mystery, though.
We have to agree with Katherine. She's not impressed with Stefan's decision-making when he makes Damon promise to protect Elena, and Damon (of course) agrees. Seriously!?
This will be a turning point, particularly if next week's preview implying that Katherine successfully seduces Stefan isn't trickery. We can't wait.
"Oh my god, those dust bunnies are enormous. It's going to take a year to clean this place!"
Guess who’s back! Our favorite rogue agent number two…Mr. Owen (Devon Sawa) himself dropped by for a visit on Nikita, bringing with him a little mess that needed cleaning up. Turns out, he purposely leaked some secret video from the “black box-update” flash drive that showed the U.S. government -- which was really Division -- taking out a Chilean candidate. Unfortunately, this footage was broadcast and it really ticked off the locals causing some major anti-American sentiment. Owen had a bigger plan in mind and needed Nikita’s help to redirect the situation. But, we all know that our girl does not work well with others unless, as she says, it’s “her operation, her rules.” Here’s how Miss N helped Owen turn the Chilean chaos around and blow it up in Division’s face.
The Plan
Owen started the whole leakage controversy because he wanted to smoke out Division’s top techie, the dude that programmed the black boxes. He thought that the press leak would freak Percy out enough to force him to call this guy. Once his identity was revealed, Owen planned to get the dude to cough up the other six boxes. Then, he could destroy both them and Percy. Unfortunately, Owen had a problem: He needed to know when the dude surfaced. He could only find this out through Nicky’s inside girl, so he contacted her for help. Nicky had other things on her mind, like cleaning up his Chilean mess. She knew Division would try to pin the sordid affair on some unlucky scapegoat and she wanted to put a stop to their evil ways.
The Scapegoat
Percy wasted no time finding a scapegoat. He got the idea indirectly from his CIA hookup, John. Deputy director John called Percy complaining about some enthusiastic employee named Ryan Fletcher who had suspicions about Division. Percy knew exactly how to throw this eager beaver off the trail. He told John to frame Fletcher for the Chilean assassination. Sounds easy enough, right? Not when Nikita and Owen are around. Once they got wind of Percy’s frame job they headed to Chile to save the guy, but they were too late. He had already been taken captive by some hardcore Chilean rebels. But we know that our girl is always in the mood for a good fight -- she and Owen headed to the rebel camp, blasted a few dudes, kicked a few butts, and freed the Fletcher. Then they all rode off into the sunset, right? Not quite…Turns out, Michael and his Division henchman were waiting in the wings for the trio and quickly nabbed them.
The Getaway Flight
Seeing our girl as a captive is not a pretty sight, especially when it’s 30,000 feet in the air. Luckily, she’s always thinking ahead. After Nikita saw that Fletcher was chummy with another CIA agent named Gil, she decided to use that relationship to her advantage. She overheard Fletcher telling his friend that he wanted Nikita and Owen to spill the beans about the assassination so that he could clear his name.Gil, being a good friend, agreed to let Fletcher have a little one-on-one time with the captives. This is when Miss N made her move. She started giving Fletcher the low-down on Division and even offered him the flash drive if he would help them escape. Fletcher, of course, agreed, and in no time our girl and Owen were out of that plane and free as birds.
The Real Clean-up
Now Percy had to find a new scapegoat, and this time he was successful. He pinned the whole Chilean fiasco and Fletcher’s frame-up on CIA John. Unlike Fletcher, John won’t be saying a word because he was found lying dead next to an empty pill bottle.
Percy also had another predicament to attend to. He wanted to be able to update the black boxes without using flash drives. To accomplish this, he needed the brilliance of both Birkoff and the black box mastermind dude. Birkoff wasn’t too hip on sharing his techie space, but after a few hours the two were as thick as thieves and in encryption heaven. To Percy’s delight, they were able to recode the black boxes so that they could be updated wirelessly. And how did Percy show his appreciation? Well, he killed the mastermind techie and promoted Birkoff to top geek. Oh, what a sweet ending…just like a fairy tale.
